Five years, OMG

Adrienne has been gone for 5 years now, and while we miss her as much as ever, life does go on. It scares me that she's so far away, that I'm forgetting some of the little things. I went through family pictures not long ago and enjoyed them immensely, laughing and crying at the same time. I also have old videos but no machine to play them on (I know I need to get them moved to CD). I'd give anything just to have another day with her, to hold her and comfort her. Pictures and memories will just have to do. We've lost several really important people in our lives this year, especially Bekah, Lucho, and Joe. Have I mentioned recently how much I hate cancer? It sounds cliché, but it's so important to hold those close to you, to tell them how much you love them. Life is too short for too many.

4 Years

I guess it's been a year since I updated. Adrienne left us 4 years ago today and I hope she's pain free and happy. I can't wait until we're united again but I know how fortunate I was to have my daughter and best friend for 22 years. Several people I know are suffering now, Bekah, Andrew, Lucho, and Lisa (her son died a few days ago). My prayers are with all of you and all the people who still suffer. Despite the improvements in detection and treatment, we still have a very long way to go.

3 Years

It scares me so much that it's been 3 years since Adrienne left us. Sometimes it seems like she was just here, sometimes it seems like she was just a dream. I forwarded the youtube video of Adrienne (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIWdsePzkOw) to someone that I met last year, and she remarked that it was odd to put someone's whole life into 4 minutes. We try so hard to keep her memory alive, for people to know what a wonderful person she was and how hard she fought. I asked someone who's daughter died in 2004 what it's like, and she said "bittersweet," which is the only word that comes to mind now. Caesar left us last week, on the 3 year anniversary of Adrienne's death. I imagine her comforting him as he went to heaven. I used to say that he was such a lover, and she would say "mom, he's a lovee." Too funny. He was lovee to the end.

Long time

It's been such a long time since I posted. I'm just not sure what to say or feel. I definitely get through the days better and can talk about Adrienne and our experience without crying uncontrollably. Mostly, I just focus on work and school and home. We did quite a bit of work on the house this year, but thankfully, that's done. I've left Adrienne's room as is with a bit of touching up and decorating like I know she would want it. Another mom suggested packing away things that I want to keep, so I put together a couple of boxes with her school things, stuffed animals, special books, and so on, just to make sure they're preserved and don't get lost. Daniel asked for some pictures, which he's framed and has in his room in Santa Barbara. All in all, things are going well for us in Nevada and California.