I Hate Cancer

Yep, cancer sucks. My mother in law is doing okay right now. She's currently in a nursing home trying to rehab her arm while she receives palliative radiation for tumors in her arm and spine. There is no curative treatment for her and the doctor thinks chemo would likely shorten her life rather than lengthen it. I could go on and on about the perils of smoking but that falls on deaf ears when talking with an ardent smoker (you know who you are). She isn't that old, just 77, but will likely live out the rest of her life in nursing care or hospice.

Adrienne was neutropenic last week with low grade fevers and an apparent infection in her mouth and sinuses. She got a shot of Neulasta last Friday and is finally feeling better today after a crummy weekend. The timing is never good as she's trying to finish up the semester. She turned in her last paper today and now has a few days off to study, oh, and to get scans. It turns out that City of Hope can't get the PET scan scheduled so we're trying to get a PET/CT done in New York this week. Needless to say, I'm exhausted and frustrated with all this cancer stuff.

When it rains...

Curt's mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last week. She broke her arm about 10 days ago opening a pickle jar (yes, you read right). It turns out there is tumor in her arm and throughout her body, and the emphysema in her lungs is actually cancer. Add to that, Curt's sister was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer earlier this year. Thankfully, she is now in remission but obviously she can't take care of their mother. Curt and I are flying up to Seattle this weekend to see the family and sort out his mother's affairs. She is feeling well right now but we know that likely won't last long.

Curt's family was supposed to come here for the holidays but that trip is now postponed indefinitely. With that and the rescheduling of Adrienne's chemo, we'll be having a quiet holiday season with some friends here in Nevada. Hopefully the chemo won't be too difficult and Adrienne can enjoy her time off school.

Schedule Change

Adrienne called last night and her wheezing is worse so we're pushing up the schedule. She flies back to NV on Dec. 19, we'll fly to CA on Dec. 20 for scans, and she'll see the doctor and start chemo on Dec. 21.

Trying Not to Worry

Adrienne is feeling better but the symptoms of her disease are progressing. Her itching is bad at times and the wheezing seems more frequent and constant. We're all eager to get her started on chemo. I told a friend who also has a grown daughter how worried I was about waiting until the first of the year for treatment. Here's her response.

Being a Mom comes with such outlandish joys and such deep, unspeakable pain. We hold on so tight to the memories of our little ones and what should have been, what was supposed to be. Both young ladies, in their own way, with their dreams, desires, goals and plans, each being so strong and brave, wanting to be so grown-up and independent and yet not quite willing to cut the apron string completely. Not that we would allowed them too!

We have the toughest role of all Alison, we raised them to think for themselves, to make their own mature decisions and also understand the consequences for some of those choices. But silently we are really screaming "STOP, no not that decision"! All we really want to do is turn back the clock, make the pain go away, select prince charming for them, heal the disease and allow them to live the fairy princess life. After all, isn't that we ALL deserve, isn't that what God planned for us when she gave us our beautiful little girls?

Adrienne is so lovely, so bright and beyond courageous. She has asked for the quality (and yes of course, quantity) of life. And you have, with all your heart ache been braver yet, stepped back and given that to her.

Smile, my dear wonderful friend, Adrienne knows what she's doing and what is in her heart, that she needs to accomplish for right now. You have done your job well.

We need to keep drinking good wine, eating dark chocolate, and being the Mom's that we know how to be.

Our journey isn't over till the fat lady sings, I'm not even humming yet, sweetie

Lots of hugs and kisses for you

Me