Adrienne is feeling better but the symptoms of her disease are progressing. Her itching is bad at times and the wheezing seems more frequent and constant. We're all eager to get her started on chemo. I told a friend who also has a grown daughter how worried I was about waiting until the first of the year for treatment. Here's her response.
Being a Mom comes with such outlandish joys and such deep, unspeakable pain. We hold on so tight to the memories of our little ones and what should have been, what was supposed to be. Both young ladies, in their own way, with their dreams, desires, goals and plans, each being so strong and brave, wanting to be so grown-up and independent and yet not quite willing to cut the apron string completely. Not that we would allowed them too!
We have the toughest role of all Alison, we raised them to think for themselves, to make their own mature decisions and also understand the consequences for some of those choices. But silently we are really screaming "STOP, no not that decision"! All we really want to do is turn back the clock, make the pain go away, select prince charming for them, heal the disease and allow them to live the fairy princess life. After all, isn't that we ALL deserve, isn't that what God planned for us when she gave us our beautiful little girls?
Adrienne is so lovely, so bright and beyond courageous. She has asked for the quality (and yes of course, quantity) of life. And you have, with all your heart ache been braver yet, stepped back and given that to her.
Smile, my dear wonderful friend, Adrienne knows what she's doing and what is in her heart, that she needs to accomplish for right now. You have done your job well.
We need to keep drinking good wine, eating dark chocolate, and being the Mom's that we know how to be.
Our journey isn't over till the fat lady sings, I'm not even humming yet, sweetie
Lots of hugs and kisses for you
Me
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2 comments:
Oh, Allison I don't know what to post other than to say that your family has spent so many years doing the impossible that it seems like you can only go on to do more of the same. Know that many you have never met, including me, are sending positive light and many prayers your way.
Karen, Clare's mom
www.caringbridge.org/md/clareschmidt
Your friend's letter is so beautiful. It's so true that Adrienne is lovely and bright (I thought so the day I met you, Adrienne!) and that as a mom, Alison, you are incredible. I just wanted to echo those sentiments and let you both know that I'm thinking of you. <3<3<3
Karen
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