Last night was my Compassionate Friends meeting. Sadly, there were a lot of people there, some I knew, some were new. There was a young couple whose 9 year old son died 3 weeks ago from an asthma attack. Raw is the word they use. Dad did most of the talking. Mom couldn't say a word. I still feel raw at these meetings, even though I think I'm getting through the days better. I had a tough time during Oscars, since it was something Adrienne loved and they showed clips of "Julie and Julia," the last movie she and I saw together. I know she would have been rooting for Meryl Streep.
Through these difficult years, I was always thankful, knowing that there were people out there that had it worse than us. I knew many people who had lost a child to cancer, but we still had Adrienne. Even though it's the most awful thing that could happen, even though I lost my best friend, there are people now who have it worse, people who lost a child more recently or who are waiting for the day when they'll lose their child, knowing that it's inevitable. Last night, one dad said that each day, he finds 10 people who are having a worse day than him. When his only daughter died last year, he couldn't find 10 people, much less 1 or 2. Now he's getting closer to the 10 number. I'm sure I'll get there too.
One concern that we all share is that our kids are okay, even if they aren't with us anymore. I think about that all the time. Some people have seen a psychic but I'm not into that type of thing. Still, it's given them some peace of mind, hearing that their kids are okay. I pray that Adrienne isn't scared or in pain, that she's at peace.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Adrienne was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease in 1996 at age 9. She had multiple relapses, two bone marrow transplants, and a range of chemos and radiation therapies, and passed away on October 1, 2009. We are heartbroken.
Out with the Girls
About Adrienne
- Adrienne
- Adrienne was very much like others with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, the most common cancer in teens and young adults. What was unusual is that she had it for more than half her life and ultimately, it took her life. Hodgkin's is curable for about 80% people, but Adrienne was one of the 20% for whom a cure was elusive. She considered herself lucky since treatments had been there for her with each relapse but she ran out of treatment options and her body just couldn’t take any more. As she said, "Though I’ve now had cancer for most of my life, I no longer plan my life around it; instead, I try to plan cancer around my life." We hope you can take inspiration from her and how she lived her life.
6 comments:
That is the one thing,"are they OK" that hurts and is so frustrating because there are no definite answers... I know people who have great faith in their individual religious beliefs seem to accept it as a "given" ..unfortunately any faith I had has been rocked to a foundation of sand.....
I saw my daughter standing by Chris bed in those last minutes before the vent was taken away .. I heard her say ."Chris please come and tell me you are OK- I need to know that you are alright......."
There have been "happenings" that defy more than the logical explanations since his passing.....but we can't really take definite comfort because there is a desperation in this little family to reach out for asnswers and signs of answers....
and logically maybe we are reading into things more than we should, but then again this grief we feel , that drowns us , pulling us further into its depths needs a life line , the need to have an answer, "is my child OK " Loraine
I have not and will not go to a psychic because I don't believe it would give me any comfort, and would probably be very upsetting to me. I know it has been a comfort to many.
I'm also sure that there are a lot of people out there who are having worse days than me, but I very rarely think that there are worse things than having a child die. On my bad days I feel like I won some sort of horrible lottery, and the unfairness still rocks me.
But mostly I endure, and I do have good days. And I do think that Clare is at peace now. I guess that's where my faith is now, that she fought, and now she rests.
Take care, Alison.
Karen, Clare's mom
My heart goes out to you and others who have lost children. I know the grief of losing family members and close friends and I find that I am still groping for answers. I cannot imagine the loss of a child. I have often envied people who have unshakeable beliefs about death and its' aftermath.
It is getting to the time of year for our annual bone marrow registration drive at my university. My friend died of NHL 8 years ago and since then, we have had an annual registration drive in Daun's name. She had a child who was five at the time of her death and I remember her grappling with similar questions before her death (about her death) and wondering how to explain what the soul is to her young child. Cancer is so cruel.
Take care.
Just sending huge hugs and a belief (non-religious) that she is OK.......her spirit lives on somehow and what a spirit it is - as strong and bright as ever she was in her life.........love to you, as always, Alison
Vx
Alison, they say there is only one out there who loves your children more than you. This is God. It's hard to imagine. I have 2 young boys of my own and to think ANYONE loves them more than I seems impossible, but it's true. I know our religious backgrounds are different, but with life/death, we shall all find the same thing - unconditional, truely unconditional love after this life.
Adrienne's suffering was not in vein and nor is yours. She is at peace. My faith tells me this, but even when I didnt have faith and had many questions after losing my loved ones - I asked God for an answer - and received it.
My husband asked God the same question 10 years later and received his answer within one year. This way you can avoid the pyschics who are out there to make money on those who are vulnerable and I promise and will pray for you, that God answers you.
Let me explain. As a catholic, we beleive you really only go to hell if you reject God and desire to go to hell. That leaves 2 places after death - heaven or purgatory. We believe every soul chooses where it goes based on the condition of the soul. If it's grey, it goes to purgatory to clean up. If it's white, you go see God. We believe there is much merit in the sufferings on earth.
Purgatory is a cleansing place to "purify" or "give your soul a shower" before seeing God. Souls here, we beleive, are very happy because they know that very soon they will be one with God for eternity.
Anyway, I wanted to know if my loved ones had made it to heaven or if they were still in purgatory - or what. I wasnt sure and I was "afraid" to some degree. I asked God to send me a sign that when each one of them made it to heaven, so that I would know. This sign for one of them was anything in the form of olive. Within a few months, I rec'd a statue carved from olivewood. I told noone about this request from God.
My husband wanted to know about his mother. He wondered for years. I encouraged him in much the way I am encouraing you. He asked and he prayed fervently for a sign that his mother made it to heaven. Within one year, he had rec'd his sign. His mother and him loved South African "stinkwood" and someone gave him a stink wood tea pot for Christmas. This is something we never see in the midwest.
I have been thinking of you for several days because your last post really resignated with me. I know we have differences in faith, but the desire to know your loved one is OK and at peace after death is the same. I thought I would offer this as a means to give you comfort. I hope I have. Take care, I will be praying for you that God gives you the graces that you need.
Dear Alison,
It is so nice to hear an update from you. I think "getting by" is a perfect title for how you are feeling these days.
It is interesting to read about the meetings you attend and how others are coping with their losses. The man who counts how many others are having worse days than him - it gives him something tangible and measurable. It is true that we all grieve in our own ways and at our own speed.
Thank you for sharing your story about Adrienne and the Oscars. I can picture her watching the pre-show with all the beautiful gowns. I am sorry that you did not have her with you this year to watch together. Didn't you mention once before that she also enjoyed Project Runway? If so, I wonder what she would think of some of the crazy designs they have made this season.
Prayers that your heart and mind will feel reassured that Adrienne is indeed without pain or fear.
A Mom
Post a Comment