I've always thought of myself as level headed but in touch with my feelings. I cried during happy times (birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, even the kids' school plays). A good movie always brought plenty of tears (think "Million Dollar Baby" and "Terms of Endearment"). And of course, there are life events including the death of my father and several close friends, as well as my divorce from Adrienne and Daniel's father. I couldn't imagine crying touching me any more deeply as those times...until now. As I've said here before, I don't cry all the time, but when I do, it's so deep and painful, more painful that I thought was possible, all the way to my core. At my Compassionate Friends meeting, they said not to try to hold it in because that just leads to a bigger breakdown so that's what I'm trying to do.
We're getting out a bit more. Over the President's Day weekend, we went to Santa Barbara to see Daniel. I'm going to Cabo with some girlfriends (hi!) in May, Curt and I are going to Tucson for a weekend in April, and we'll be in the Bay Area at the end of June for my nephews' bar mitzvah. We'll also be back in early October for Adrienne's unveiling. I'll post details when I figure that out.
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5 comments:
I am so sorry for the grief you are going through. I feel helpless in offering comfort because I know it is a process and when you describe your grief over losing Adrienne, the first thing that came to mind is that you are describing something you can feel in the marrow of your bones. I am glad you have so much support and I often think about you and Adrienne. I thought of her the other night when I watched an old movie--The Devil Wears Prada--because the music at the part where Anne Hathaway parted ways with Meryl Streep in Paris was the music used in Adrienne's memorial slideshow.
Please take very good care of yourself.
That's exactly what the doctor told me when I had a mini-meltdown during W's transplant....I couldn't stop crying one day at all and he explained it was definitely better out than in - like a bottle of fizzy pop, the life event has shaken you up and if you don't release the emotion gradually, the outcome will be an even bigger explosion.......the pain and tears are natural and healthy and part of the healing process.
It's great that you're making plans, A - as hard as it is, life goes on.........sending strong, strong hugs............<3
I'm happy to hear that you have some fun plans coming up. Sounds like A LOT of fun plans! I still think of Adrienne often and you are all in my thoughts. If your adventures ever bring you to San Antonio let me know and I'll gladly show you around...
been thinking of you a lot lately-
darlene
bekah's mom
Hi,
I have been thinking about you.
Take care,
A Mom
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